Joke...

Yesterday's episode is a fiasco.

Happiness, i conclude,is always coupled with sadness. Pain is a proof that you are alive. 

I have high tolerance for pain, physical pain, that is. Emotional pain is a different story.

That was not a good joke!

My body was dead beat. I worked during my rest days to make sure all is set before the critical days. My brain was whacked and drained. I cleaned the house. I did my laundry. Washed dishes. Etcetera. I live alone so it follows that I do almost everything for myself. Stressed out. I felt so sick. 

I was expecting comforting words but to my dismay...

I was at the verge of giving up; why have you not rescued me instead?

Why would you always leave when i needed you the most?

I love you...you are my life.

If it would take me to blog for the rest of my life just to re-assure you of my love, i would without hesitation.

If it would take me to say "No" to people over and over again, i unwaveringly would.

Tell me...let me know...

I just don't wanna hear that joke from you again.

False...

False. Not true.

It's not always true that when you lost (anything), you would need to get a replacement.

In my lifetime, I have loved a lot of times. The last one was the greatest; i planned to spend the rest of my life with this person. Unfortunately, the 6-year relationship failed.

I had this rare chance to have a coffee-talk with my friend, Jula yesterday. It was a serious one. We realized we weren't going out the way we used to way back then. We used to do bar-hopping during rest days. We do "tambay" at coffee shops just so we could finish up our "half-pack". Gone are the days. We agreed to one thing - there will be a time in your life that you'd get contented with the things that you have and the person you are with. "Lumipas na" - I said,"nahanap ko na". Let me share what made me change my lifestyle and all.

My vacation in Cagayan changed my life fully. I realized i don't really need friends, i don't need a lot of people in my life since I have my partner with me - my everything. I said I can live without friends and all. And so, I did my best to keep our relationship. It was a struggle, yes, but it was not. Confusing? Let's just  say - Pain is tolerable when you know someone really loves you. My partner is my everything, my life. Changing from the "bad" me to a "better" me was so easy; things get easy when done for the one you love. We had plans, we had our dreams...it was pure bliss.

But things changed. The blissful days turned chaotic. Maybe, i was at fault. Maybe not.

Now that we're no longer together, will i go back to the same old "bad" me? No. 

Now that we're apart, should i get a replacement? No.

Things will stay as it is. It is gonna be difficult but i need to move on with life. They say nothing is permanent in this world. I don't think so. My love is permanent. I may have lost the person but I still have the feeling. And this is gonna be forever.

Found...

Why lost?

I guess it is because I was lost...figuratively.

Lost in this sense - I really don't know where i was heading to. No direction. No clear pathway. Blurry.

Not that i was not given proper guidance by my folks but, perhaps, because I have always been so stubborn as a kid and i refused to be guided. I have always wanted to do things myself; i wanted independence, so to speak.

I got lost. I felt like i have confined myself in total blur. In search for light and direction, i have bumped against walls a million times. I have stumbled and bruised. Pain and discomfort were my constant companion. Was i afraid then? With all the darkness and uncertainty, i was.

Then came this stranger who has completely changed my fate. I saw a ray of light from my confinement of darkness, fear, and uncertainty. My right hand found its mate. My feet no longer tremble every time i take a step. My body sways with the direction I am heading to. My heart, which was was filled with chaos, is humming melodies of love and bliss.

I finally found my destiny. I did not know it was coming but it came.